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" There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you're going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young. "
Johnny Carson
Moment
Direction
Me
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" Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. "
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Men
Single
More
" For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. "
Johnny Carson
Days
Phone
Hair
" I was going to hang it up on the twenty-fifth year of this show. I don't know why. Maybe twenty-five years is enough. And I found out that I was having so much fun doing the show that we decided to stick around for a while. "
Johnny Carson
Know
Enough
Fun
" Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?' "
Johnny Carson
Alone
Place
You
" Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. "
Johnny Carson
Big
Little
Never
" Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. "
Johnny Carson
Happiness
Dentist
You
" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "
Johnny Carson
Radio
Television
Still
" To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, 'Well, he's stuck-up.' 'Stuck-up' is only another word for self-conscious. "
Johnny Carson
Say
You
Well
" If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. "
Johnny Carson
Variety
Spice
Marriage
" I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive. "
Johnny Carson
Same
Been
Years
" If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. "
Johnny Carson
Were
Would
Life
" If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. "
Johnny Carson
Would
Fair
Dead
" Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. "
Johnny Carson
Bank
Together
New
" I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. "
Johnny Carson
Food
Day
Smoking
" New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. "
Johnny Carson
Most
Exciting
New York
" When turkeys mate they think of swans. "
Johnny Carson
Mate
Swans
Think
" We're more effective than birth control pills. "
Johnny Carson
More
Control
Birth Control
" People will pay more to be entertained than educated. "
Johnny Carson
Educated
Will
More
" Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. "
Johnny Carson
Peace
Success
Work
" People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances. "
Johnny Carson
Start
Thought
Funny
" Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. "
Johnny Carson
Time
Office
Christmas
" Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. "
Johnny Carson
Up
President
Grow Up
" The mind starts to do things that you didn't even realize it could do. I suppose it's the manipulation. I suppose it's the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that. "
Johnny Carson
Mind
Power
Attention
" I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. "
Johnny Carson
World
Always
I Am
" My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day. "
Johnny Carson
Working Hard
Business
Success
" The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. "
Johnny Carson
Freedom
Money
You
" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "
Johnny Carson
Funny
Kid
Used