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" I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice. "
Denis Leary
Day
Beach
Been
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" There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.' "
Denis Leary
Say
Play
Know
" I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids. "
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Fan
See
Kids
" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "
Denis Leary
Okay
President
Smart
" Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house. "
Denis Leary
Love
Great
House
" I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time. "
Denis Leary
Love
Time
Daughter
" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "
Denis Leary
Way
Red
Welcome
" I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area. "
Denis Leary
Friends
Like
Lot
" Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. "
Denis Leary
Done
You
Love
" Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer. "
Denis Leary
Baseball
Good
Movies
" I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' "
Denis Leary
School
Me
Great
" If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in. "
Denis Leary
People
Sorry
Government
" Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring. "
Denis Leary
Boring
Over
Same
" My brother and I tortured my mother growing up. "
Denis Leary
Mother
Up
Brother
" My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. "
Denis Leary
Air
See
Watch
" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "
Denis Leary
Clothes
Wearing
Middle
" I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else. "
Denis Leary
Age
You
Run
" The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago. "
Denis Leary
Opinion
Saying
Boston
" I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan. "
Denis Leary
Fan
Huge
Kevin
" I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen. "
Denis Leary
Kitchen
Really
Problem
" Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. "
Denis Leary
Son
Born
You
" Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. "
Denis Leary
Money
Funny
Important
" My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York. "
Denis Leary
Father
Life
New
" Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.' "
Denis Leary
Great
Good
Character
" In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life. "
Denis Leary
Life
My Life
Up
" Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads. "
Denis Leary
Speech
Free
Comedy
" I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side? "
Denis Leary
History
Say
Think
" I've been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I've never won one and I probably never will. "
Denis Leary
Will
Been
Emmys
" I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' "
Denis Leary
Basketball
Hockey
Said
" I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one. "
Denis Leary
Leather
Always
Good
" What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny. "
Denis Leary
Funny
Politically Correct
Correct