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" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "

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" Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring. "

" The best thing about series TV is that everyone you work with is hand-picked, as compared to working on a film. "

" My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave. "

" I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos. "

" George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live. "

" My brother and I tortured my mother growing up. "

" I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' "

" I love America. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. "

" Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.' "

" No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever. "

" If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day. "

" One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters. "

" I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. "

" I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie. "

" I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time. "

" Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do. "

" I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it. "

" I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor. "

" Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh. "

" I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while. "

" If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.' "

" It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that's not the case. "

" The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media. "

" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "

" I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan. "

" My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. "