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" In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life. "

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" Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself. "

" I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television. "

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" I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy. "

" In my experience in series TV, if you have a good crew and a great cast, it's going to be a great group - similar to the theater where it's a bunch of people who are really talented and go to work each day and challenge each other, and if you are lucky enough to get a hit then it's five or six or seven years of this kind of work. "

" I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone. "

" When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' "

" There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.' "

" I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed. "

" My cousin Jerry Lucey and five other firefighters died in a warehouse fire in Worcester, Mass. - my hometown - right in the middle of our old neighborhood downtown when a homeless couple started a fire to keep warm and the entire building went up. My cousin died trying to save homeless people who had already left the building. "

" My brother and I tortured my mother growing up. "

" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "

" Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us. "

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

" How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean. "

" My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in. "

" I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God. "

" I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things. "

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" My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. "

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" Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. "

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