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" I'm obsessed with 'Rocky.' We went 13 times to the theater. "

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" You're under the gun at all times because it's live TV. A lot of time, between dress and air, you're having to come with an entire ending to your sketch that gets an even better, bigger laugh - which is terrifying... People are filing into the audience, and you're writing a new joke for the end of it. "

" I went to a Catholic girls' school before we moved to Florida when I was 15. "

" I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. "

" At my confirmation, where you get the Holy Spirit, I came down the stairs at my party and had torn, like, 80 holes in my pantyhose and said I had the Holy Spirit, and just would do things like that all the time. "

" I think, as a woman, you have to really make sure that you're taking care of yourself and make sure that you're covered and you have enough material written for you. "

" I was born in Joliet, Illinois. It was totally Midwestern - small, little house, two great parents, and a sister and a beagle. "

" I was really dramatic, really concerned with love or life. "

" I'm a plus-size person, so when I tried to go into the Gap, I used to just walk out of there shaking my head because they have nothing that fits me. "

" Commercials used to have such a serious tone to them or a really corny tone. "

" My sister was three years older than me, and she was like the stone-cold '70s fox. I looked like a short Polish farm woman, and so our journals were wildly different. "

" I was always a bit of a class clown. "

" Some children challenge themselves to maybe run a marathon or something. I challenged myself to stay up for two days and make cinnamon toast and watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon and laugh and cry. "

" Tina Fey is a very old friend of mine, and I adore her. "

" I have worked with many, many talented and dedicated people. "

" I grew up where the repercussion of you having an opinion was being 'cocky,' or people would be mad at you. And I have finally learnt that it is better for them to be mad at you and disagree than you be so mad at yourself all of the time for not speaking up. "

" Young, handsome men never flirt with me. I get heat from old dudes that run the parking garages. "

" Everyone knows people like that: You're looking at their milky, glazed-over eyes, and you know they're not listening. "

" I was a very earthly, matronly, plus-size little girl with a pure heart. "

" My sister's journal was the romantic one with boys, and mine was talking about my rock tumbler. We were so different and so similar. "

" I'm a late bloomer, so I'm going to embrace it all. "

" My sister is three years older and super foxy, and I always looked like a 50 year old woman. "

" I'm a big hit at parties. Friends ask me to sing B-I-N-G-O all the time. I'm thinking, you know, of maybe putting out a Christmas album or something. "

" I think it helps in any comedy room for a woman to have very strong, respected convictions, because then it opens the door up a little bit for other women to have that. "