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" Some children challenge themselves to maybe run a marathon or something. I challenged myself to stay up for two days and make cinnamon toast and watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon and laugh and cry. "

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" I think it helps in any comedy room for a woman to have very strong, respected convictions, because then it opens the door up a little bit for other women to have that. "

" I was born in Joliet, Illinois. It was totally Midwestern - small, little house, two great parents, and a sister and a beagle. "

" I think, as a woman, you have to really make sure that you're taking care of yourself and make sure that you're covered and you have enough material written for you. "

" Tina Fey is a very old friend of mine, and I adore her. "

" At my confirmation, where you get the Holy Spirit, I came down the stairs at my party and had torn, like, 80 holes in my pantyhose and said I had the Holy Spirit, and just would do things like that all the time. "

" I'm obsessed with 'Rocky.' We went 13 times to the theater. "

" I'm a big hit at parties. Friends ask me to sing B-I-N-G-O all the time. I'm thinking, you know, of maybe putting out a Christmas album or something. "

" My sister was three years older than me, and she was like the stone-cold '70s fox. I looked like a short Polish farm woman, and so our journals were wildly different. "

" You're under the gun at all times because it's live TV. A lot of time, between dress and air, you're having to come with an entire ending to your sketch that gets an even better, bigger laugh - which is terrifying... People are filing into the audience, and you're writing a new joke for the end of it. "

" I was really dramatic, really concerned with love or life. "

" My sister is three years older and super foxy, and I always looked like a 50 year old woman. "

" I was a very earthly, matronly, plus-size little girl with a pure heart. "

" I have worked with many, many talented and dedicated people. "

" I was always a bit of a class clown. "

" I went to a Catholic girls' school before we moved to Florida when I was 15. "

" Commercials used to have such a serious tone to them or a really corny tone. "

" I have written before, but I was primarily an actor and improvisational performer. "

" Everyone knows people like that: You're looking at their milky, glazed-over eyes, and you know they're not listening. "

" My sister's journal was the romantic one with boys, and mine was talking about my rock tumbler. We were so different and so similar. "

" I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. "

" I'm a late bloomer, so I'm going to embrace it all. "

" I'm a plus-size person, so when I tried to go into the Gap, I used to just walk out of there shaking my head because they have nothing that fits me. "

" Young, handsome men never flirt with me. I get heat from old dudes that run the parking garages. "