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" My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in. "
" No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever. "
" I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory. "
" With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head. "
" Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true. "
" I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan. "
" I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? "
" Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads. "
" I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God. "
" I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one. "
" When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me. "
" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "
" I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better. "
" I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. "
" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "
" I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention. "
" Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate. "
" My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. "
" I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen. "
" Technology is changing, so the viewership is getting broken up. My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' "
" I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album. "
" I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else. "
" I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone. "
" I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids. "
" If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.' "
" Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us. "
" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "
" I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie. "
" I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television. "
" I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time. "
" Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America. "