Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

Related Quotes:

" I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? "

" I actually like talking. "

" My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. "

" Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person. "

" I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' "

" I can't text. My fingers are too big. "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life. "

" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "

" Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter. "

" Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time. "

" I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me. "

" I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' "

" I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor. "

" I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have. "

" I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God. "

" I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles. "

" Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family. "

" Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America. "

" I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory. "

" It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.' "

" I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry. "

" Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland. "

" I think all priests should be married. "

" One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters. "

" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "

" When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' "

" With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head. "

" The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work. "

" You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is. "