Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent. "
" The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. "
" Keep cool my babies. "
" Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. "
" Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language. "
" During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. "
" Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. "
" A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' "
" I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. "
" CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.' "
" In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. "
" Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. "
" Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. "
" Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob. "
" There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. "
" It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy. "
" I think the best thing I ever did was, years before I got the 'Late Night' show, when I first got out to Los Angeles to be a television writer, the first thing I did was I signed up to take improvisational classes... And I studied that for years, and I really loved it. "
" Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.' "
" If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. "
" I always knew that it was going to be an uphill climb to replace Letterman from complete obscurity with no experience, but I think I had to go through it to know exactly what a titanic effort that was going to be. "
" Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. "
" Fish recognize a bad leader. "
" In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. "
" Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. "
" Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. "
Rock And Roll
" This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. "
" In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union. "
" President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003. "
" Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly. "
" Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans. "
" Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' "