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" When I'm playing comedy, it is such a crap shoot of what will work and what won't. "

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" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" I loved being on Broadway, but performing has become exhausting, and I just don't want to live in New York anymore. I'm just sick of the competition in New York, the feeling that I always have to rehearse to keep up my performance. I don't feel like rehearsing, even though it should be my favorite thing in the world to do. "

" Isn't this fantastic, what a star I am? "

" My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable. "

" You never know what is happening to yourself when it is happening. "

" When the hospital sends for me, when the ambulance comes and I ease my way out of the world, I'd rather be in Detroit, Michigan, than Lenox Hill. "

" These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what 'technique' means. But I do know what experience is. "

" All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party. "

" I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person. "

" The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect. "

" Making clever speeches takes a lot of work and a lot of time. "

" I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love. "

" You have to be very, very good looking to get ahead in motion pictures. "

" I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired. "

" I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that. "

" Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. "

" I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy. "

" I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do. "

" I'm a hotel baby, absolutely: it's hard to think of a hotel I haven't stayed in. "

" There are a lot of things I do that I don't want to, but I have to. It's truly an emotional need for me to perform. "

" I love Birmingham, Michigan. It's lovely - you know, it's very similar to the Hamptons. "

" Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life. "

" I have no intention of retiring. Even my blood sugar is better when I'm working. "

" Fans recognize me all over the place. But the second you need anything, they're never around! They're like the police! "

" My biggest dream was to get out of Michigan - to discover life beyond the Sacred Heart Convent. "

" There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful. "

" My idea of serenity - that wonderful word that everybody's trying to get into their life - is call-waiting. "

" I could have made a lot of money doing 'Golden Girls,' and I would have been good. But the image of it! And for me to work with Betty White every day would be like taking cyanide. "

" I don't have a great talent for explaining myself in acting because I can't explain it. "

" When I want to do something badly enough, I do it, but there is a practical side of me that thinks I should be paid fairly. "