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" When we need a policeman, God bless 'em, they're there. But, if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, everything seems suspicious. "

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" I love San Francisco! "

" I just admire everybody and sit in awe and watch them. "

" I think everyone has a door in their brain that says, 'Do not exit here.' If you go past it, you'll find all the dumb thoughts in there, all the stupid things that shouldn't be said. I've probably gone there more than anyone should in a given lifetime. "

" I'll go in a minute to see a sketch show. "

" Some of the Christopher Guest movies, when I'm not really like myself, when I have my hair dyed blonde or had a faux-hawk haircut. Those I like to watch because it takes you away from your real self. "

" I'd love to have Burt Reynolds' career. "

" I first became interested in 'great moments' when I read about the famous Feller-to-Boudreau pickoff play in the 1948 World series. "

" 'Field of Dreams.' Definitely one of the best baseball films of all time. When Kevin Costner spoke to his dad, and his dad answered, I, um, I mean a lot of guys I know couldn't help crying. "

" When I started, there was a phase where I wanted to be a cowboy star. I didn't want to do deep, serious parts. "

" Cleveland is my hometown, and the Indians have a narrow but rich history. "

" I always loved comedy growing up - Bob Hope, Red Skelton and Danny Kaye. "

" One of the first shows I ever did was 'Laverne & Shirley.' I played this sleazy guy that came into town with a friend and was going to date Laverne and Shirley, but we really wanted to get into the bowling alley because it was next to the bank we wanted to rob. "

" Comedy is harder, because if there's no laughs, it's pretty bad. But drama, if there's no reaction, you can say, 'Well, it's not their cup of tea. Maybe it's too heavy for the audience.' "

" To a New Yorker, a 1948 Indians World Series baseball signed by the whole team might be worth only $200 to $300, but to a Clevelander like myself, it might be, like, $1,000 to $2,000. "

" If you're not doing something right, you can feel it on stage, and if it isn't going well, the audience will tell you. A teacher can teach you sense memory and this and that, but until you get in front of an audience, you don't really feel it. "

" Looking back, I was a very good kid, very studious and all. But I would always come out with a quip - and I was sent to the principal's office several times. "

" If you're a cheerleader, people see you. If you're a mascot, you're just helping out. "

" The witch in 'Snow White' is a very scary image. "

" I like to play the guy that has no self-awareness. "

" Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. "

" With improv or a full length play - you know how you go to a theater, and after 10 minutes you say, 'Oh, I don't like this thing,' but you don't want to get up and leave? At a sketch show, it's always something new every few minutes. "

" I saw the 'Wizard of Oz' recently and realized that, all my life, I thought they were real monkeys with wings. That's how scary that movie was for me. "

" Christopher Guest, he'll call and say, 'We're doing this movie, and I'd like you to play _' and he gives you the character, then I always like to enlarge on the character. "

" I just look back, and I say, you know, Christopher Guest just raised my whole career to another level. "

" There's this whole underground world of amateur television production. "

" Someone I've always admired is Catherine O'Hara... I think she's one of the best actresses in the country, not only comedy. I just think she's just a step aside from everybody, she's just wonderful. "

" I used to collect autographs outside of the old Cleveland Stadium. I can still remember everyone who took the time and spent a few minutes to make your day. That sticks with you. "

" When you think about accountants, who would want to be an accountant? But, what would we do without accountants? Whether it's soldiers or garbage men or doctors, everyone has the thing that they love. "

" I guess the essence of my comedy is to get into a very abnormal situation but act like it's normal. "

" I've never crossed over to be a big star. I'd like to be in a big $100 million movie, though. 'Cause I was in an 'Austin Powers,' I think I had two lines, and every once in a while, I get a check, a really nice check, for that movie. "