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" Where there's a will - there's a relative! "

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" Even I can't talk about myself for an hour. "

" How many times have we seen reality celebrities fall from grace - often through no fault of their own - and then go on a show like 'Celebrity Big Brother' and say, 'I want to show the public a different side of me.' And I'm screaming at the telly going, 'This is not therapy. This is voyeurism!' "

" I remember asking my mum when I was about 13, 'Why are my brothers and sister so much older than me?' And she just said, 'You were a mistake.' And I laughed. "

" Making people laugh is easy for me. I'm quite proud of that. But I'm prouder of silencing an audience for a minute because they're thinking about something. "

" I see my real job now as - never mind 'The Office,' 'Extras,' film career, Emmys - I want everyone in the world to know who Karl Pilkington is. "

" Stupidity without malice isn't horrible; some people can't help it. "

" Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you've got to want it. "

" Free speech is one of the most important things to me, but I think it gets confusing when it comes to offense. Because for one, just because you have the right to say anything, it doesn't mean you have to. "

" I'm a fang-toothed, blob-nosed, slouchy slob. "

" You can laugh at anything. It depends on the joke. "

" I think being nice is more important than being clever. "

" There's nothing wrong with being respected by your peers. There's nothing wrong with trying to do your best. There's nothing wrong with success. There's not even anything wrong with trying to get a raise. There's nothing wrong with that. "

" The great thing about being an artist is, we want our work to be seen. "

" I don't do one-liners, because you don't learn anything about that comedian. "

" I find comedy easy, and I find drama exciting and tantalising. "

" Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are. "

" I'd much rather eat exactly what I want, and then burn it off, than diet. "

" People now live their lives like an open wound to be famous - they do bad things because they're rewarded for it. "

" You give up a lot being an atheist. "

" I don't like it when I see a racist comedian go up and say, 'What are we gonna do about all these immigrants?' and they get a round the applause. I think, 'Well that's not a joke. That's just your biased opinion.' "

" Sometimes being old is used as an insult, which is bizarre because, if you're lucky, that's literally going to happen to you. It's a strange thing to gloat about: being born recently. "

" I think Dustin Hoffman has been in at least three of my favorite movies of all time with things like 'Tootsie,' 'Marathon Man.' Getting a bit more arthouse and darker, 'The Graduate' - incredible, barrier-breaking movie, 'The Graduate.' "

" I could always take a joke. I could always be the butt of the joke. I could always hand it out. That was just who I was. "

" Oh, let's face it: I hate everything in others. "

" I'd never tried as hard with anything as I did with 'The Office,' and it was one of the things I'm proud of. I wasn't trying to be famous or a comedian, but this opportunity came along when I was 38 or 39. It came late, and I couldn't have been prouder of it. "

" As an artist, you want as many people as possible to see your work with no interference. And usually, I've gone onto fringe channels: BBC Two, HBO, Channel 4. "

" The grass isn't always greener on the other side! "

" The second series is always my favourite as a writer/director; you can hit the ground running... so that's fun. "

" There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything. "

" When I was growing up, I didn't like cheese. I had to wean myself onto cheese. "