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" You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led. "

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" My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in. "

" Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane. "

" Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. "

" I came from a very loving home, had a happy life with no great aspirations, but going to the seminary changed me. There was a chunk of my childhood missing. Once I'd realised it wasn't for me, I still felt a tremendous pressure to continue for fear of letting everybody down. "

" Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine. "

" I don't want to demonise 'Johnny.' I was really proud of what he achieved. Especially within stand-up. He was quite a unique voice. I will always possibly be trading off 'Johnny's name, but there's a lot more things that I'm able to do now - the strengths that 'Michael' can bring to it. "

" I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really. "

" I always say that the stand-up world is the arena of the unwell, and it is. "

" In credits, I'm 'Michael' sometimes now, but people know you as something, so there's no point fighting it. 'Squiggle,' you'll always be 'Prince,' and 'The Rock,' just accept it. I want to move on, but not that much. So I'm still known as 'Johnny Vegas.' "

" If you write, produce and direct, you own things and see them through to the end. "

" We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases. "

" I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show. "

" I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one. "

" I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting. "

" It's lovely being a parent and being in a strong marriage with somebody who is your best friend. "

" There was always that thing with 'Johnny' - I always saw myself as his writer and PR. But when he got out there, I had no control. His whole thing was going off on those flights of fancy. Going, 'Let's see what we can possibly do that hasn't been done before up here.' And when it works, it's lovely; it's a great night. "

" I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home. "

" I couldn't be 'Johnny' in front of a camera in acting jobs and behind the camera I like to be 'Michael.' With directing, you can't do it by halves. There's a lot of reflection, and I have found that I, as 'Michael,' thrive on it. It's lovely coming home and feeling that stuff from a day's work as myself. "

" I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them. "

" Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience. I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that. "

" I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs. "

" There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure. "

" I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house. I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers! "

" They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day. "

" My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with. "

" You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is. "

" There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring. "

" I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again. "

" I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone. "

" I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it. "