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" I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them. "

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" There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out. "

" You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery. "

" We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases. "

" You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear. "

" The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No. "

" I found popularity through self-destruction, and that can be quite addictive. "

" I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really. "

" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "

" I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again. "

" I'm loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don't like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most of it's invented anyway. "

" Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane. "

" I've always been looking for other people's approval. "

" Class still matters in Britain today. "

" I thought I could play the hellraiser and then put 'Johnny Vegas' back in his box. I found popularity through self-destruction. The more you damage yourself, the more people are drawn to you, and that can be quite addictive. It is not a lifestyle you can maintain. "

" You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led. "

" I use very few muscles at the best of times. "

" Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things. "

" I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone. "

" I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again. "

" We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves. "

" I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion. "

" I've been offered all the reality TV shows but have turned them down. If I did it as 'Johnny,' there'd be no jungle left! It was really hard regaining control of myself, so I am reluctant to let 'Johnny' back out of the box. "

" There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure. "

" Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. "

" I always say that the stand-up world is the arena of the unwell, and it is. "

" This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute. "

" I couldn't be 'Johnny' in front of a camera in acting jobs and behind the camera I like to be 'Michael.' With directing, you can't do it by halves. There's a lot of reflection, and I have found that I, as 'Michael,' thrive on it. It's lovely coming home and feeling that stuff from a day's work as myself. "

" My name is Michael Pennington, and I am not a comic character. "

" Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian. "

" 'Johnny' was a coping mechanism who could take those things which could have ordinarily destroyed me, by tweaking my past and throwing it back out there, getting laughs from things that would have otherwise upset me. "