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" All previous populist movements were demanding things from governments, whereas the Tea Party is saying, 'Give us less, go away.' That's heartening to see. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Away
Party
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" Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn't matter. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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Change
" Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Force
Things
Monopolies
" Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
Punishment
Teachers
" Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they turn blue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Strategy
You
Blue
" No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
History
You
Way
" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Less
Nothing
" There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Caring
People
" The poor are an especially important resource for innovation when they have the bravery and pluck to get out of the poor places in which they're living. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Innovation
Bravery
Important
" I'm a political conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Conservative
Political
" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Head
End
" I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Me
Life
Friends
" If you spend 72 hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter. Either that or you're President Obama. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Speak
Place
People
" I myself am a parent in a small business. Number of employees: one. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Business
Small
Employees
" The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bar
Conservative
Pretty
" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reason
People
Ants
" I'm a rather decisive type. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Rather
Type
Decisive
" The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Time
You
Brilliant
" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Curtain
Behind
Iron
" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Purpose
Children
" Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
You
Crazy
" Regulation creates a moral hazard. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hazard
Regulation
Moral
" More modern poetry is written than read. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Than
Read
Modern
" Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Beautiful
You
See
" I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Detail
Always
Think
" Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Divorce
Legal
Children
" If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also - to do the lawn and clean the gutters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
Wife
Children
" We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scutter. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Light
Step
Turn
" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Making
Fun
" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Best
Look
Like
" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fatherhood
Child
Mother