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" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "

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" Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has had an American nuclear family can tell you, this was a relief to all concerned. "

" To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor. "

" The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. "

" Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out. "

" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "

" Politics is the one field you don't age out of. "

" What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text. "

" Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. "

" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "

" Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such an excellent banjo player that you almost don't wish you had a pair of wire cutters. "

" There are 1.3 billion people in China, and they all want a Buick. "

" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "

" When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. "

" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "

" There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves. They are the self, as it were, itself. "

" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "

" I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. "

" There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. "

" Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. "

" Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. "

" A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking. "

" When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me. "

" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "

" The 18,000 NASA employees are full of galactic talents and abilities and are ready to accomplish whatever they're directed to do. "

" The good thing about SUVs is they have storage. "

" The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the '70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war. "

" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "

" My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. "

" Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom. "

" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "