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" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Less
Nothing
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" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Cat
Wear
" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Friends
Home
" Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Without
Achieve
" They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Stupid
Romantic
" Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Location
America
Like
" When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Job
You
Hospital
" There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Women
Number
Mechanical
" In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dull
Responsibility
Government
" Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Old People
People
Crazy
" Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Free
Globalization
" In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Change
Years
Universe
" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Easy
Writing
Sitting
" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Got
Older
Me
" The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Country
Problem
Water
" Politics is the one field you don't age out of. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Field
You
Politics
" Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in the valley of the River Exe would be gone. The handsome agricultural landscape of which the British are so proud, carefully husbanded since Boudicca's day, would be replaced by natural growth. The most likely growth is real-estate developments. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Day
Growth
Proud
" America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nation
Think
Thank God
" When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Saying
Doing
Side
" In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Taxes
Government
Like
" There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Caring
People
" Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Happiness
History
Human
" Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Black
Think
Some People
" For decades in America, there has been an effort to ensure that the rights of those who are not sane are the same as the rights of those who are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Been
Effort
Rights
" Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists, and the rest of the altruistic scum of the earth. Why do these people want to feel good? They want to feel good in order to convince themselves that they are good. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Earth
Good
" The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Cheap
Library
Knowledge
" You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Despair
Like
Middle
" Affirmative action makes employers think, 'Black woman nuclear physicist? Hah! Probably let her into Harvard 'cause they were looking for a twofer. Bet she got C's in high school practical math. Give her a job in personnel.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Think
Woman
She
" Earnestness is stupidity sent to college. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Earnestness
Stupidity
College
" The good thing about SUVs is they have storage. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Thing
About
Good
" The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Someone
Information
News