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" America is a meritocracy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
America
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" I understand Twitter has become popular among politicians. This technology allows them to stay in perpetual contact with their constituents. The electorate now has instant information about what politicians have been up to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Technology
Information
Politicians
" I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Political
Fascinated
Enthusiasm
" Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mean
Serious
Because
" When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teachers
Men
Me
" If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you know they're just greedy, and consumers are just consuming for the sake of their own greed. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Say
You
Good
" Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Opinions
Language
Interesting
" If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Around
Were
Process
" Neither liberal nor conservative politicians can resist the temptation to stand as mighty sequoias of rectitude amid the lowly underbrush of fundraising. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Liberal
Stand
Temptation
" Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Rich
Always
Happy
" A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Life
Stupid
You
" The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Washington
Mystery
" I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, 'By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater,' and we say, 'Your point is?' "
P. J. O'Rourke
New York
You
City
" Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Electricity
System
Sales
" The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Student
Restaurant
Reviews
" Art Nouveau got its inspiration from nature. The Bauhaus got its inspiration from engineering. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Engineering
Nature
Art
" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Failure
Happen
Success
" Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats and pyramids of wasted taxpayer money, the TARP funds and shovel-ready stimulus programs of their day. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Nothing
Day
" The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bar
Conservative
Pretty
" Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
Something
Exercise
" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Would
Selling
" Democrats hate America being a world power because world power gives power to the nation instead of to Democrats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hate
Nation
Power
" Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Think
Baby Boomers
I Think
" The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Space
Age
Furniture
" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Making
Fun
" Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Joy
Politics
Hope
" Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Die
Good
" Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Easy
Difficult
Politics
" I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Religion
Experience
Good
" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Average
Dressed
Better
" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Renaissance
You
Modern