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" Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Opinions
Language
Interesting
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" We did not become libertarians because we are altruists. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Because
Become
Did
" Affirmative action makes employers think, 'Black woman nuclear physicist? Hah! Probably let her into Harvard 'cause they were looking for a twofer. Bet she got C's in high school practical math. Give her a job in personnel.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Think
Woman
She
" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
Plant
People
" Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wife
Wilderness
Until
" Why can't death - if we must have it - be always glorious, as in 'The Iliad?' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Glorious
Always
Why
" Freedom is for fun. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fun
Freedom
" Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Divorce
Legal
Children
" Nancy Pelosi says the angry opposition to health care reform is like the angry opposition to gay rights that led to Harvey Milk being shot. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gay
Care
Health
" I understand Twitter has become popular among politicians. This technology allows them to stay in perpetual contact with their constituents. The electorate now has instant information about what politicians have been up to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Technology
Information
Politicians
" The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Know
Look
" Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Force
Things
Monopolies
" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "
P. J. O'Rourke
I Can
Nothing
Go
" America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
America
Hard
" If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Around
Were
Process
" Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless and have their minds made up about it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Minds
Facts
Up
" Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Conspiracy
Government
Law
" I don't understand anything about America's culture. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Culture
Anything
America
" I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Early
Like
Confused
" Funding for the original manned Voyager Mars Program was scratched in 1968, before humans had gotten out of Low Earth Orbit. Mid-'60s plans for a Venus fly-by with astronauts actually flying by it met the same fate. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Earth
Same
Plans
" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Interesting
Who
Songs
" The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Line
You
Retirement
" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sense Of Humor
Humor
Exercise
" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Depression
Future
" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Moral
Clear
Issues
" Guns are the ultimate bulwark against government misbehavior. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Against
Guns
Government
" My ignorance is widespread. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ignorance
Widespread
" The foundation of collectivism is simple: There should be no important economic differences among people. No one should be too rich. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Rich
Too
People
" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Crazy
Up
Person
" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Road
Street
Go
" Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Car
You
Surgeon