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" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Average
Dressed
Better
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" Most people sort of enjoy going to work because of the socialisation, a chance to flirt with co-workers and so on, but actually hate the job they do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Chance
Enjoy
Work
" We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scutter. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Light
Step
Turn
" Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization - an appeal to civilization itself. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Powerful
Sometimes
Organization
" Politics is the one field you don't age out of. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Field
You
Politics
" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Moral
First
Adam
" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "
P. J. O'Rourke
News
Know
Business
" You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
People
Money
" A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not even, if you're managing the U.S. Mint, buy a penny. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Will
You
Mint
" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Situation
Funny
Saying
" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sense Of Humor
Humor
Exercise
" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Place
Nice
" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Museum
Gone
Hong Kong
" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fatherhood
Child
Mother
" The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hell
People
Texas
" The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
You
Two
" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Head
End
" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Serious
Done
Way
" Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nothing
Wealth
Man
" Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Effect
Years
Out
" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Aging
Me
Mad
" The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fantasy
People
World
" The minute somebody joins a committee... they immediately suffer from committee brain. They become wildly over-enthusiastic, over-optimistic, over-pessimistic. Committees turn people into idiots, and politics is a committee. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
People
Brain
" Writing is agony. I hate it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Writing
Agony
Hate
" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Renaissance
You
Modern
" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Short
Black
Gay
" The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hood
White
Meeting
" Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Purpose
Children
" My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Stupid
Get
Culture
" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Will
Best
Style
" Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need' is the family's practice as well as its theory. Even with today's scattershot patterns of marriage and parenting, a family is collectivist to a more than North Korean degree. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Today
Marriage
Family