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" For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics. "

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" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

Dominic Holland

Looking

Thought

Thinking

" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

" Never trust a television executive. "

" I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain. "

Dominic Holland

Beauty

You

" When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?' "

" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

Tried

Many

" It's not cool to be star-struck. "

Dominic Holland

Cool

" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "

" I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back. "

Dominic Holland

Back

I Am

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

" It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors. "

" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "

" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "

" A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. "

" The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. "

Dominic Holland

You

People

" I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos. "

" When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed. "

" Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent. "

" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

False

False Modesty

" I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. "

" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "