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" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

Dominic Holland

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" Never trust a television executive. "

Dominic Holland

" Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world. "

Dominic Holland

" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "

Dominic Holland

" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

Dominic Holland

" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "

Dominic Holland

" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "

Dominic Holland

" In my career, all my most important breaks have come from Edinburgh. Winning awards, being reviewed, bagging my BBCR4 series and the chance to tour has all come from Edinburgh, which begs the question, why the hell have I left it so long to come back? "

Dominic Holland

" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "

Dominic Holland

" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "

Dominic Holland

" I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back. "

Dominic Holland

" I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. "

Dominic Holland

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

Dominic Holland

" It's not cool to be star-struck. "

Dominic Holland

" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

Dominic Holland

" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "

Dominic Holland

" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

Dominic Holland

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

Dominic Holland

" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

Dominic Holland

" Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent. "

Dominic Holland

" It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever. "

Dominic Holland

" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

Dominic Holland

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

Dominic Holland

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "

Dominic Holland

" I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos. "

Dominic Holland

" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "

Dominic Holland

" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

Dominic Holland

" The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. "

Dominic Holland

" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

Dominic Holland