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" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

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" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "

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" Where I live in south London, it is a very Tory area, so a Labour vote is a wasted vote. My leanings would certainly be not to vote Tory. "

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" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

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" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

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" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

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" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

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" Growing up, I was always enthralled by Ronnie Barker. He made my dad howl with laughter, which always intrigued me, and he had the rare gift of being as good a performer as he was a writer. "

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" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "

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" Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent. "

Dominic Holland

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

Dominic Holland

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

Dominic Holland

" I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain. "

Dominic Holland

" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

Dominic Holland

" I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick. "

Dominic Holland

" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

Dominic Holland

" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "

Dominic Holland

" I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers. "

Dominic Holland

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

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" It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors. "

Dominic Holland

" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

Dominic Holland

" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

Dominic Holland

" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "

Dominic Holland

" When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts. "

Dominic Holland

" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

Dominic Holland

" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "

Dominic Holland

" It's not cool to be star-struck. "

Dominic Holland

" It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever. "

Dominic Holland

" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "

Dominic Holland

" The garden is something I always try to get into, but it always beats me. "

Dominic Holland

" Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car! "

Dominic Holland