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" Never trust a television executive. "

Dominic Holland

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" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

Dominic Holland

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

Dominic Holland

" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "

Dominic Holland

" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

Dominic Holland

" Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent. "

Dominic Holland

" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

Dominic Holland

" I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. "

Dominic Holland

" I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick. "

Dominic Holland

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

Dominic Holland

" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

Dominic Holland

" For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics. "

Dominic Holland

" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "

Dominic Holland

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

Dominic Holland

" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

Dominic Holland

" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

Dominic Holland

" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "

Dominic Holland

" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

Dominic Holland

" I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain. "

Dominic Holland

" I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back. "

Dominic Holland

" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "

Dominic Holland

" When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed. "

Dominic Holland

" I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers. "

Dominic Holland

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

Dominic Holland

" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "

Dominic Holland

" Doing stand-up is not normal. People fear public speaking above all other things, and I am no different. "

Dominic Holland

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

Dominic Holland

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

" Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world. "

Dominic Holland

" A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. "

Dominic Holland