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" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

Dominic Holland

Got

Chemotherapy

Woman

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" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

False

False Modesty

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

" Where I live in south London, it is a very Tory area, so a Labour vote is a wasted vote. My leanings would certainly be not to vote Tory. "

" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

" It's not cool to be star-struck. "

Dominic Holland

Cool

" When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts. "

" It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors. "

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "

" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

" Never trust a television executive. "

" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "

" In my career, all my most important breaks have come from Edinburgh. Winning awards, being reviewed, bagging my BBCR4 series and the chance to tour has all come from Edinburgh, which begs the question, why the hell have I left it so long to come back? "

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

Tried

Many

" Stand-up comedy is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned. "

" The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. "

Dominic Holland

You

People

" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

" I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. "

" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "

" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

" It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever. "

" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "

" For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics. "