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" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "

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" It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever. "

Dominic Holland

Down

Professional

Finance

" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "

" Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world. "

" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "

" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

" A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. "

" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "

" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

False

False Modesty

" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "

" I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back. "

Dominic Holland

Back

I Am

" I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain. "

Dominic Holland

Beauty

You

" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

" Never trust a television executive. "

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

" Doing stand-up is not normal. People fear public speaking above all other things, and I am no different. "

" I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while. "

" When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?' "

" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

" The garden is something I always try to get into, but it always beats me. "

Dominic Holland

Try

Garden

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

Tried

Many