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" Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Flattery
Gossip
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" Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such an excellent banjo player that you almost don't wish you had a pair of wire cutters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Singing
You
Wish
" When I was fifteen, I dreamed of living in the big city, as many a young person does if he is artistic and sensitive. By 'artistic and sensitive' I mean short, skinny, unkissed, bad at sports, and carrying a C average in high school. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sports
School
City
" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Museum
Gone
Hong Kong
" I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I live in New Hampshire. And household help will be much cheaper. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mind
New
America
" Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Necessary Evil
Evil
" Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Dust
Ten Commandments
" Regulation creates a moral hazard. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hazard
Regulation
Moral
" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Interesting
Who
Songs
" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Failure
Happen
Success
" Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soldiers
Some
Training
" Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gender
Spouses
Matter
" In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fear
Jokes
Waves
" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reason
People
Ants
" The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democrats
American
Difference
" If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words 'I don't know.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Know
Words
Politics
" You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fun
Got
You
" Hubris is one of the great renewable resources. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Renewable
Great
Resources
" The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wimples and billowing dresses, a white stag symbolizing something-or-other, and Robin Hood getting in the way. An actual stag hunt is more like a horseback meeting of a county planning commission. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hood
White
Meeting
" There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Marriage
Love
" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Others
Voting
Example
" If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Heard
Death
Somebody
" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Domino
Pizza
Wealth
" Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Baby
Boom
Hallmark
" There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Old
People
More
" A deadly sins addendum is long overdue. Life has changed since Pope Gregory the Great scribbled his initial list in the sixth century. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Long
Changed
Great
" Politics won't allow for the truth. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Allow
Politics
Truth
" As a nation, Kuwait has been, arguably, free of freedom itself. Claimed in turn by Constantinople, Riyadh, and Baghdad, Kuwait has survived by playing Turks off Persians, Arabs off one another, and the English off everyone. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Freedom
Nation
" The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
You
Work
" Writing is agony. I hate it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Writing
Agony
Hate
" Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Moral
Clear
Issues