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" I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote. "
Roseanne Barr
Because
Always
Writer
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" I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy. "
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" The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. "
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" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "
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" They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! "
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" The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! "
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" I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful. "
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" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "
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" I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did. "
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" Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem! "
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" You know when you first get rich, and you, like, just buy everything that you see? I did that for several years. And I have sheds full of things, maybe sometimes nine copies of the same thing. "
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Know
Rich
Like
" I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? "
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Just
Weird
Watch
" I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.' "
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Never
Word
Hate
" Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it. "
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Problems
Simple
Own
" You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. "
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Relationship
Personality
Healthy
" We're not meant to be parents when we're 50. "
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Parents
Meant To Be
Meant
" The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think. "
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Me
Like
Fact
" I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver. "
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Am
Woman
I Am
" To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes. "
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Write
Discipline
Great
" One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. "
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Iowa
Things
First
" I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. "
Roseanne Barr
Want
Alone
Think
" Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. "
Roseanne Barr
I Can
Think
Myself
" Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. "
Roseanne Barr
Always
Easy
Military
" The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. "
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Cleaning
Out
Riding
" Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. "
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Fat
Woman
Show
" I was completely nuts for most of my life. "
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Most
Life
Nuts
" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
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Smart
You
Way
" Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce. "
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Marriage
Last
Divorce
" You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' "
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Saying
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Blessed
" Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. "
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Life
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" I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them. "
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Meet
Fun
Famous