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" Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. "
Roseanne Barr
Fat
Woman
Show
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" After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom. "
Roseanne Barr
Turn
Me
Appearance
" I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do. "
Roseanne Barr
Up
People
Comic
" Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. "
Roseanne Barr
Believe
I Believe
Space
" Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you. "
Roseanne Barr
Smart
You
Way
" I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them. "
Roseanne Barr
Pretty
Why
People
" I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. "
Roseanne Barr
Tyranny
Yourself
Great
" I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.' "
Roseanne Barr
You
Great
Know
" Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce. "
Roseanne Barr
Marriage
Last
Divorce
" Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. "
Roseanne Barr
Before
Bed
Night
" Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. "
Roseanne Barr
Show Business
Imitation
Business
" Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. "
Roseanne Barr
Mother
Wife
Sister
" There is no real third party in America. There's this one party that has two sides to it - the Democratic and Republican side. It's one party that has two heads. "
Roseanne Barr
America
Party
Real
" I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. "
Roseanne Barr
Farmer
Goal
Now
" I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. "
Roseanne Barr
My Life
Powerful
Think
" I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote. "
Roseanne Barr
Because
Always
Writer
" I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. "
Roseanne Barr
I Am
Worst
Say
" I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. "
Roseanne Barr
Feel
Hate
Human
" The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. "
Roseanne Barr
Way
Through
Man
" I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? "
Roseanne Barr
Just
Weird
Watch
" You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' "
Roseanne Barr
Saying
Better
Blessed
" It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. "
Roseanne Barr
Up
You
Shut Up
" As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. "
Roseanne Barr
Work
Home
Parenting
" I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff. "
Roseanne Barr
Friends
Comedy
Try
" Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought. "
Roseanne Barr
People
America
Claim
" I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself. "
Roseanne Barr
Government
Husband
Marriage
" I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. "
Roseanne Barr
Get
Quiet
Real
" I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. "
Roseanne Barr
First
Writing
Well
" I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. "
Roseanne Barr
I Am
Out
Now
" The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. "
Roseanne Barr
You
Women
Power
" My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact. "
Roseanne Barr
Suicide
Sign
Agreement