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" When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts. "

Dominic Holland

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" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "

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" A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. "

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" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "

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" I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos. "

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" Doing stand-up is not normal. People fear public speaking above all other things, and I am no different. "

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" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

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" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

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" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

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" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

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" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

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" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

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" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "

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" Stand-up comedy is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned. "

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Stand-Up Comedy

" I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers. "

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" For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics. "

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" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

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" The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. "

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" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

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" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

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" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

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" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "

Dominic Holland

" Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car! "

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" I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny. "

Dominic Holland

" Never trust a television executive. "

Dominic Holland

" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "

Dominic Holland

" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "

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" I don't like false modesty. "

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" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "

Dominic Holland

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

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