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" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "

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" Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent. "

Dominic Holland

Food

Three

Walk

" When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?' "

" No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.' "

" In my career, all my most important breaks have come from Edinburgh. Winning awards, being reviewed, bagging my BBCR4 series and the chance to tour has all come from Edinburgh, which begs the question, why the hell have I left it so long to come back? "

" I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny. "

" I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos. "

" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "

" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "

" I don't like false modesty. "

Dominic Holland

False

False Modesty

" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "

" I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success. "

Dominic Holland

Tried

Many

" I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy. "

" Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark. "

" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "

" Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car! "

" As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career. "

" I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire. "

" It's not cool to be star-struck. "

Dominic Holland

Cool

" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "

" I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian. "

" Stand-up comedy is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned. "

" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "

" I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick. "

Dominic Holland

I Am

Myself

" When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed. "

" It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors. "

" The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear. "

Dominic Holland

You

People

" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "

" Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets. "

" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "

" Growing up, I was always enthralled by Ronnie Barker. He made my dad howl with laughter, which always intrigued me, and he had the rare gift of being as good a performer as he was a writer. "

Dominic Holland

Gift

Good