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" All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted. "
Dominic Holland
Opportunity
Kids
Complain
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" My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it. "
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Die
Live
Road
" Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews. "
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Investment
Value
Lose
" I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy. "
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Find
Coming
Rooms
" Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed. "
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Say
Hot
Young
" I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best. "
Dominic Holland
Best
School
Try
" When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?' "
Dominic Holland
She
You
Doing
" When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts. "
Dominic Holland
Nuts
Remember
Wife
" I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category. "
Dominic Holland
World
You
Street
" It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever. "
Dominic Holland
Down
Professional
Finance
" I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick. "
Dominic Holland
I Am
Myself
Am
" How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs. "
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How
Comedy
Doing
" Where I live in south London, it is a very Tory area, so a Labour vote is a wasted vote. My leanings would certainly be not to vote Tory. "
Dominic Holland
Vote
London
Live
" Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world. "
Dominic Holland
City
Romantic
Hope
" I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!' "
Dominic Holland
Looking
Thought
Thinking
" Seeing a full room of punters queuing for my show is always heartening. "
Dominic Holland
Show
Always
Full
" My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor. "
Dominic Holland
Story
Trying
Hollywood
" I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name. "
Dominic Holland
Admit
Been
Never
" I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny. "
Dominic Holland
I Am
My Life
People
" I don't like false modesty. "
Dominic Holland
False
Like
False Modesty
" It's not cool to be star-struck. "
Dominic Holland
Cool
" My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly. "
Dominic Holland
Done
Laugh
Job
" A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival. "
Dominic Holland
Tub
Bad
Enough
" The garden is something I always try to get into, but it always beats me. "
Dominic Holland
Try
Garden
Me
" Growing up, I was always enthralled by Ronnie Barker. He made my dad howl with laughter, which always intrigued me, and he had the rare gift of being as good a performer as he was a writer. "
Dominic Holland
Me
Gift
Good
" Making people laugh is the only thing I've ever done naturally. "
Dominic Holland
Making
Only
People
" I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can. "
Dominic Holland
Again
Back
Best
" There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage. "
Dominic Holland
Audience
Nothing
Stage
" I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers. "
Dominic Holland
Funny
Funny Story
Story
" I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back. "
Dominic Holland
Me
Back
I Am
" Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in. "
Dominic Holland
Comedy
Better
You