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" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

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" If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was able to read it when I was on the plane getting to the gig... a lot of it happens when I'm on the road because when I'm home, you're just mom, and that's it. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product. "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored. "

" Men don't hear women. "

" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "

" I was working at the NSA. I don't know, I was just bored. I just knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing with my life. "

" I tried theatre. I played Miss Hannigan for a short run of Annie at a regional theatre. That was fun. I enjoyed it! I enjoy theatre and have so much respect for theatre actors. "

" In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" I love working with other actors and other people - you know, stand-up - it's lonely; it's just you out there and the audience. But it's fun working with other actors. I love doing that, too. "

" It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are. "

" It wasn't until after the reduction that in the lab work, the pathology, that they found that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my left breast. I was very, very lucky because DCIS is basically stage-zero cancer. So I was very lucky. "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. "

" Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal. "

" Sometimes black people really want to hold onto our oppression - 'This is ours! This belongs to us.' You can't just talk about equality for somebody else. Let's pass it on. Let's pass it on to somebody else. At the end of the day, it is all about inequality. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "

" Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. "

" People - I hate to use the word 'fans' - are very respectful. It's not like I'm some pop idol or big movie star. I'm very approachable, and I love the people who enjoy me, because they react like they've run into a friend. Usually, it's like, 'Hey, Wanda! How ya' doing?' "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "