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" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

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" I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "

" Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it. "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice. "

" I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

" But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking. "

" I'm a huge Sia fan. I love Sia, I have just about all of her stuff. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. "

" Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me. "

" I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up. "