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" I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. "

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" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "

" Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not! "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" Men don't hear women. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" I think sometimes celebrities can hurt a candidate. You don't want people to judge them on your last project. "

" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am. "

" Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" I was working at the NSA. I don't know, I was just bored. I just knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing with my life. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" Stand-up, by far, is my favorite. "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "