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" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

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" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

" My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on. "

" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

" I have a sidekick, Keith Robinson, who's very funny. I've known Keith for over 20 years; he's my best friend. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

" I love working with other actors and other people - you know, stand-up - it's lonely; it's just you out there and the audience. But it's fun working with other actors. I love doing that, too. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. "

" In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" Stand-up, by far, is my favorite. "

" I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place. "

" I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction. "

" I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "