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" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

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" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

" I'm constantly preparing. Material hits me; I'm always writing. I go back and listen to my shows and just prepare and put my set together. But the day of, I like to have some downtime. A nice lunch is important for me. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" D.C. is where I started. That's home for me. I always love coming back to the area. They treat me so well, and people show up. They're excited and claim me as their own. I love it. "

" My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it. "

" I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" There's obviously a group who enjoys what Tyler Perry is putting out there. And why fault them? And there's a group that loves the things that Spike does. So they should enjoy that, too. Is it my taste? Maybe not, but I'm not going to fault anybody for doing what they're doing as long as people are showing up. "

" If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" People - I hate to use the word 'fans' - are very respectful. It's not like I'm some pop idol or big movie star. I'm very approachable, and I love the people who enjoy me, because they react like they've run into a friend. Usually, it's like, 'Hey, Wanda! How ya' doing?' "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" I watched a lot of comedy growing up. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "

" If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was able to read it when I was on the plane getting to the gig... a lot of it happens when I'm on the road because when I'm home, you're just mom, and that's it. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "

" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. "