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" I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion. "

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" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "

" The anti-individualist enemies that Ayn Rand battled are still the enemy, but they've shifted their line of attack. Political collectivists are no longer much interested in taking things away from the wealthy and creative. "

" I'm a political conservative. "

" I believe in God. God created the world. "

" In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old. "

" Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. "

" I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling. "

" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "

" My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or anything, but he was worthless. "

" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "

" President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn't meet those qualifications. "

" A Kindle returns us to the inconvenience of the scroll, except with batteries and electronic glitches. It's as handy as bringing Homer along to recite the 'Iliad' while playing a lyre. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Guns are the ultimate bulwark against government misbehavior. "

" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "

" Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. "

" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "

" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "

" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "

" If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also - to do the lawn and clean the gutters. "

" Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. "

" There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. "

" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "

" You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. "

" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "

" All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done. "

" Regulation creates a moral hazard. "

" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "

" After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. "

" I grew up going to public school, and they were huge public schools. I went to a school that had 3,200 kids, and I had grade school classes with 40-some kids. Discipline was rigid. Most of the learning was rote. It worked. "