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" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Beginning
American
Day
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" Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. "
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" America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. "
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" It's hard to be serious in life. "
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" The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren't carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth. "
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American
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" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "
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" When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me. "
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Car
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" The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside. "
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Top
" I understand Twitter has become popular among politicians. This technology allows them to stay in perpetual contact with their constituents. The electorate now has instant information about what politicians have been up to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Technology
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" Why is Iraq so easy to harm and so hard to help? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Help
Why
Iraq
" My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of course, the Earth. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sexism
Generation
Earth
" When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Place
Person
Parking
" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Average
Dressed
Better
" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Curtain
Behind
Iron
" In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Taxes
Government
Like
" If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Health
Great
Mind
" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Will
Best
Style
" My life would have gone along perfectly well, politically speaking, if it hadn't been for girls. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gone
Been
My Life
" Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Us
Worst
Violence
" Network television has been attempting to lure viewers for years with its low-interest programming only to have those viewers discover later that their brains are bankrupt. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Programming
Television
Years
" I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Experience
Think
Stupid
" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Best
Look
Like
" The people who despise America are the editors of the 'New Statesman.' Their green-card applications must have been turned down. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
New
America
" Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soccer
Hug
Kid
" Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Divorce
Legal
Children
" I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Political
Fascinated
Enthusiasm
" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "
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Crazy
Up
Person
" Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wife
Wilderness
Until
" Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Price
Progress
American
" War diminishes both civil and economic rights. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Civil
Both
" The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Over
Again
Government