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" I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. "

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" I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. "

" Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. "

" I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. "

" I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. "

" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "

" Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. "

" When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. "

" If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed. "

" You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. "

" The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "

" We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. "

" I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works. "

" Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. "

" Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. "

" You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. "

" I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. "

" I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. "

" The road to success is always under construction. "

" But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. "

" Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. "

" I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that. "

" We are all in this together, by ourselves. "

" Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. "

" There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. "

" What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? "

" Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? "

" Remember we're all in this alone. "

" What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. "