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" You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. "

Lily Tomlin

Feel

Nice

You

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" I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. "

" If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed. "

" I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. "

" For fast-acting relief try slowing down. "

" Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. "

" But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. "

" I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. "

" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "

Lily Tomlin

Realize

Funny

" I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me. "

" Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. "

" When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. "

" I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. "

Lily Tomlin

Thinking

Person

" The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "

" You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. "

" No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. "

Lily Tomlin

You

Enough

" It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. "

" Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. "

" Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! "

" Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. "

" Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. "

" I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that. "

" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "

" Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. "

" Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? "

Lily Tomlin

God

Said

" The best mind-altering drug is the truth. "

Lily Tomlin

Best

Truth

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. "

" Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. "

" If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? "

" I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. "