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" You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. "
Lily Tomlin
Hard
Interesting
You
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" I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works. "
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" What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains. "
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" We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. "
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" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "
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" We're all in this alone. "
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" The best mind-altering drug is the truth. "
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" For fast-acting relief try slowing down. "
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Try
Slowing
Down
" Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. "
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Imagination
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" Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. "
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Government
Two
Decent
" I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. "
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Profit
Would
War
" Remember we're all in this alone. "
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Alone
Remember
" I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. "
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Up
Thinking
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" What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. "
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Worse
Still
Boring
" No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. "
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Up
You
Enough
" I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. "
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Always
Somebody
Something
" You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. "
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Feel
Nice
You
" I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. "
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Complain
Think
Need
" We are all in this together, by ourselves. "
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Ourselves
Together
" Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. "
Lily Tomlin
Failure
Had
Opportunities
" If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. "
Lily Tomlin
Like
Settle
Been
" If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? "
Lily Tomlin
Funny
Hair
Truth Is
" I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. "
Lily Tomlin
Performance
Yes
Mean
" It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. "
Lily Tomlin
Deep
Need
Complain
" Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. "
Lily Tomlin
Leading
Cause
Touch
" The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "
Lily Tomlin
Win
You
Race
" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "
Lily Tomlin
Time
Women
Funny
" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "
Lily Tomlin
Realize
More
Funny
" Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! "
Lily Tomlin
My Life
Believe
Thankful
" Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? "
Lily Tomlin
Us
God
Said
" When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. "
Lily Tomlin
Dog
Walk
Money