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" I'll take a redrum with a rellik please. "

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" Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both. "

" As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone. "

" Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris. "

" The only way to get under me is to get over yourself. "

" I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous. "

" Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life. "

" Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart. "

" Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure. "

" Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both. "

" A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both. "

" I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home? "

" Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own. "

" Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool! "

" True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't. "

" He has your finger, but I have your heart. "

" What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found? "

" Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary. "

" You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right. "

" I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed? "