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" Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both. "

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" Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat. "

" Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both. "

" Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own. "

" What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found? "

" Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life. "

" Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel. "

" I'll take a redrum with a rellik please. "

" I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home? "

" You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right. "

" Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live. "

" As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone. "

" Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary. "

" Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool! "

" He has your finger, but I have your heart. "

" The only way to get under me is to get over yourself. "

" True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't. "

" Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source. "

" Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart. "

" A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both. "

" I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous. "

" I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed? "

" I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever. "

" Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure. "