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" Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel. "
Brian Celio
Technology
Forced
Me
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" I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home? "
Brian Celio
Wonder
Door
God
" As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone. "
Brian Celio
Someone
Hit
Hurts
" Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own. "
Brian Celio
Building
Key To Success
Door
" He has your finger, but I have your heart. "
Brian Celio
Finger
Heart
He
" I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous. "
Brian Celio
Rather
Imagine
Life
" True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't. "
Brian Celio
True Friends
Admit
Friends
" Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool! "
Brian Celio
Me
Cause
Hate
" Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live. "
Brian Celio
Life
Live
You
" I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed? "
Brian Celio
Watch
Mean
Eyes
" Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris. "
Brian Celio
Work
Need
Understand
" Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure. "
Brian Celio
Work
Get
Over
" I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever. "
Brian Celio
Own
Clever
Write
" Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary. "
Brian Celio
Word
Dictionary
Hate
" Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life. "
Brian Celio
Start
Way
People
" Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source. "
Brian Celio
True
Lost
Love
" I'll take a redrum with a rellik please. "
Brian Celio
Take
Please
" A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both. "
Brian Celio
Government
Democrats
You
" Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart. "
Brian Celio
Comedy
You
Stupid
" You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right. "
Brian Celio
You
Will
Right
" Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both. "
Brian Celio
Unity
Say
Room
" Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat. "
Brian Celio
Someone
Person
Just Because
" The only way to get under me is to get over yourself. "
Brian Celio
Way
Over
Only
" What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found? "
Brian Celio
Everything
Hate
Lost