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" I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word. "

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" I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy. "

" I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries. "

" I actually like talking. "

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

" I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory. "

" I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it. "

" I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie. "

" I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award. "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate. "

" I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory. "

" You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing. "

" Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer. "

" I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album. "

" I can't text. My fingers are too big. "

" Having dealt with a lot of real firefighters, I know there are a lot of guys who, for lack of a better term, become addicted to the grief because it has kept them connected to these guys that they felt responsible for having lost. "

" I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention. "

" I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time. "

" If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is. "

" It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that's not the case. "

" Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads. "

" I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. "

" You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is. "

" With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head. "

" Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. "

" I love America. "

" I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else. "

" I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate. "

" I'm a pretty boring guy. Compared to Ashton Kutcher, I live a really boring existence. "

" I've eaten things that didn't complain this much. "