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" I'm for the Wall Street Occupiers. But will they accept me when they find out I sell packaged mortgage default instruments to children? "

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" The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past. "

" I first thought maybe I'd do a banjo presentation record, where I'd play a couple of songs and get a bunch of other players to do the rest. Then I realized I had enough of my own songs to do an album of them. "

" I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words. "

" I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. "

" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

" I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner. "

" When I finally retire, I just want to go away so no one has to listen to me. "

" An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be. "

" I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point. "

" Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played alone, so I was never required to stay in rhythm or anything. So it was a real different experience for me to start playing with a band. There were so many basic things for me to learn. "

" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "

" I like all kinds of music. I listen to Abigail Washburn, the Punch Brothers, and Marc Johnson, the great clawhammer player. I also listen a lot to Sirius Radio, there's a lot of bluegrass there. "

" I was always a huge fan of E. E. Cummings. He did a series of lectures at Harvard or Princeton, and they were recorded. And they were incredibly moving. "

" There's a lot of thought in art. People get to talk about important things. There's a lot of sex, you know, in art. There's a lot of naked women and men, and there's intrigue, there's fakery. It's a real microcosm of the larger world. "

" No matter how many times people say it - 'Oh, I'm just writing this for myself' 'Oh, I'm just doing this for myself' - nobody's doing it for themselves! You're doing it for an audience. So whether I'm performing or writing a book or playing music, it's definitely to be put out there and to be received in some way, definitely. "

" Well, excuuuuuse me! "

" Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. "

" Nothing I do is done by popular demand. "

" I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period. "

" I think there are people out there writing original bluegrass songs, but it's hard to get them out on the air. "

" I'm enamored with the art world. Anytime you look at anything that's considered artistic, there's a commercial world around it: the ballet, opera, any kind of music. It can't exist without it. "

" I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. "

" I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic. "

" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "

" I don't think anyone is ever writing so that you can throw it away. You're always writing it to be something. Later, you decide whether it'll ever see the light of day. But at the moment of its writing, it's always meant to be something. So, to me, there's no practicing; there's only editing and publishing or not publishing. "

" I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter. "

" I have thought about some kind of musical involving my music. That would be kind of interesting. I have thought of it in that way, as a creator of something, not so much a performer. So that's in my head. "

" What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. "

" I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly. "

" I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. "