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" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

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" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "

" Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart. "

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "

" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "

" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "

" Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. "

" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "

" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" Love is a promise delivered already broken. "

" I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' "

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "

Moon Unit Zappa

" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "

" If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I was always good at being observationally funny - like, contributing something funny to the conversation. "

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

Cathy Guisewite