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" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "
Steve Martin
Head
Hate
Funny
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" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "
Yogi Berra
Nickel
Worth
Funny
" You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time. "
Michael Schumacher
Best
Funny
Yourself
" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "
Phyllis Diller
Time
Funny
Only
" God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. "
Naguib Mahfouz
God
Funny
Exercise
" I like the idea that one thing leads to another. You can tweet something completely innocuous, and then find yourself going off on a tangent that's inspired by a response. "
Steve Martin
You
Yourself
Off
" The superfluous, a very necessary thing. "
Voltaire
Funny
Very
Necessary
" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "
Khloe Kardashian
Thought
Funny
Myself
" I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? "
Andy Warhol
Think
Funny
You
" It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images. "
Johnny Depp
Things
Places
Me
" One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself. "
Bill Murray
Myself
Acting
Back
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
Josh Billings
Together
Funny
Power
" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "
Mo Rocca
Dying
War
People
" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "
Ze Frank
Funny
Dance
Day
" Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said, 'Wolper, until two weeks ago, your tombstone was going to say, 'David Wolper, the man who produced 'Roots.' I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It's going to be 'David Wolper, the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.' "
David L. Wolper
Think
Roots
Me
" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "
Lewis Black
Milk
Soy
Thing
" So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? "
Christina Aguilera
Film
Held
Funny
" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "
Chris Eigeman
Work
Going Home
Home
" Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled. "
Steve Martin
Dinosaurs
Did
Humans
" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "
Dave Barry
Building
Water
Universe
" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "
Bill Engvall
People
Be Different
Funny
" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "
Jake Paul
Videos
Engage
Funny
" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "
Rob Zombie
People
Caring
Funny
" I regret behaving badly when I was younger. I did not know any better at the time. The thing is that the incidents that I caused were not funny... Youth is wasted on the young. It is better to have the wisdom of an old man in a young body... I was a bit foolish and teased people, trying to be funny. "
Jim Broadbent
Youth
Time
People
" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "
Emo Philips
Alone
Thanks
Sleeping
" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "
Stevie Wonder
You
Black
Thought
" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "
Kevin Systrom
Photographer
Funny
Before
" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "
O. Henry
Want
Turn
Lights
" It's funny: the one time I got star-struck was when I met Snoop Dogg. I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, man.' "
Mark Foster
I Love You
You
Time
" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "
Mel Brooks
Tickets
Fly
Funny
" I love technology, and I love science. It's just always all in the way you use it. So there's no - you can't really blame anything on the technology. It's just the way people use it, and it always has been. "
Steve Martin
Science
Love
Blame