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" I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be. "

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" My biggest dream was to get out of Michigan - to discover life beyond the Sacred Heart Convent. "

" There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time. "

" I tell the truth, and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. My dad used to say to me, 'If you tell the truth all day long, you will end up in jail.' "

" When the hospital sends for me, when the ambulance comes and I ease my way out of the world, I'd rather be in Detroit, Michigan, than Lenox Hill. "

" There are a lot of things I do that I don't want to, but I have to. It's truly an emotional need for me to perform. "

" Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives. "

" I think the most interesting New Yorkers are the people who were not born here. "

" I find it easier to abstain than do a little bit of anything. I'm not a 'little bit' kind of dame. I want it all, whatever I do. "

" Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life. "

" Making clever speeches takes a lot of work and a lot of time. "

" Quite frankly I don't know how to be happy. I have not a clue. "

" I'm a hotel baby, absolutely: it's hard to think of a hotel I haven't stayed in. "

" Isn't this fantastic, what a star I am? "

" I loved being on Broadway, but performing has become exhausting, and I just don't want to live in New York anymore. I'm just sick of the competition in New York, the feeling that I always have to rehearse to keep up my performance. I don't feel like rehearsing, even though it should be my favorite thing in the world to do. "

" Let me tell you about those convents. All that crap about extending the pinkie finger while sipping tea is a myth. Convent schools are breeding grounds for great broads and occasionally one-of-the-boys. Convent schools teach you to play against everything, which is what I'm still doing. "

" I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it. "

" For me, going to London is like coming home. In fact, I've often entertained the idea of ending my days there. "

" I love holidays in New York. I love 'em. I want to celebrate something all the time, and New York has holidays for every day of the week, practically. I like holidays in New York City. "

" If I see a great performance on television, onstage, in the movies, I go to work the next day with a renewed energy and less fear. These great artists take me out of my life and make me want to go there. "

" As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times. "

" I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy. "

" I have no intention of retiring. Even my blood sugar is better when I'm working. "

" I think being boring is just the worst sin of all time. "

" I like celebrities. I love people who are famous. Always have. "

" Fans recognize me all over the place. But the second you need anything, they're never around! They're like the police! "

" I smoked, I drank, I did all the kicking my heels up type things, but I went to Mass on Sunday. "

" I don't want to see my family all the time, and they're delighted, I'm sure, to be aware of that. "

" You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie. "

" The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect. "

" All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party. "